A Feminine Style: The Dress-Based Wardrobe

It can be a challenge for a lovely modern woman to put together a wardrobe suitable for all her spheres of life. The simplest way I have found to look attractive day in, day out is to wear dresses most days. If you are not a "dress person," I encourage you to take another look at all the options, because a woman in a dress can be truly alluring!


This wardrobe will take you through a whole season, and beyond if you're creative!

It's based on seven dresses, but I will show you how to add shoes, separates, and accessories to make you look fabulously feminine and put-together with minimal effort.

The wardrobe works best if your schedule looks something like this. If this is not your schedule, fear not; with a little tweaking, the dress-based wardrobe can easily adapt to your life.

Monday-Friday: Working/your normal daily life...you want to look pretty and professional, but be comfortable too.
Saturday: Relaxing-- a day to express your fun individual style while still looking beautiful
Sunday: Dressy-- perhaps you go to church, or to brunch with extended family; or this might be the dress you wear out on Saturday night.

The examples I choose are for a spring/fall wardrobe of temperate climate; you will also make adjustments for the season. The nice thing about dresses is that adding tights and sweaters easily transitions them to colder weather.

Planning your Wardrobe:
(1) Identify your color season. While this blog will delve further into these topics later, The Chic Fashionista does a great job with personalized style guides. Look at your color palette. For example, mine is Cool Summer, and my color palette looks like this:

(2) Choose your favorite colors.
Using the options given from your palette, list the following for yourself (note that you can lighten or darken any color as you wish)

Favorite light neutral: light grey

Favorite dark neutral: navy

Favorite color: periwinkle

2nd Favorite color: raspberry

3rd Favorite color: sea-green

(3) Identify your body-type, from a style guide. The Chic Fashionista, again, is a wonderful resource. It is definitely possible to have a mixed type: for example, I tend to be an hourglass leaning towards a pear-shape. The type of dress you want depends on your body type: so choose a favorite or two styles of dress that will favor your body.

For an hourglass/pear combination: I prefer wrap dresses and nip-waisted/shirt waisted vintage styles that accentuate a slim waist and curves.

(4) Find your Monday-Friday wardrobe: five dresses you can wear to work or anywhere else. These should be dresses you love.
a. A light-neutral dress
b. A dark-neutral dress
c. A dress in your absolute favorite color
d. A dress in your second-favorite color
e. A dress in your third-favorite color

 For example, I might choose the following frocks. All of them are conservative enough to wear to a workplace, but comfortable enough that I won't get tired of wearing them all day. And I'm totally in love with all of them.

(5) Find your "weekend dresses." I challenge you to stretch yourself here: choose two colors or patterns from your color palette a little bolder or lighter than you're used to wearing, something really expressive. One should be on the casual side, the other on the formal side.

For mine, I rarely wear light pink, but find that people compliment me when I do. So I choose something like this pale pink dress, which is cute and casual. I might also choose to try a dressy pine-green piece, another color I rarely wear.

(6) Choose your shoes
You will need at least two pairs of shoes to complete your looks. Petite women (5'5" and below) look best in heels, as they elongate the legs, adding to the appeal of a dress. Tall women can get away with ballet flats.

If you can have only two pairs, choose comfortable medium-height heels that are the same colors of the neutral dresses you chose. If you have the budget for more, go for heeled boots in dark brown or black (which always look classy, and are far enough from your face that it doesn't matter if brown/black is "your color"), and then a pair of heels that matches one of your favorite-color dresses.

For my wardrobe, I would choose the following:

(7) Add in other pieces: This is a spring or fall wardrobe, so I will need some covering over the dresses when I'm outside. Accessories and jewelry make an outfit "click" and give you many varieties so you don't get bored.

• Light Coat: Choose one of your neutrals; it does not need to be the same as your dresses. The cut should be flattering to your figure.

This trench coat is belted at the waist for a feminine silhouette and is in a neutral steel-grey from my color palette.

• Blazers or Cardigans: Choose two neutrals and one favorite color from your palette that coordinates with all your dresses.
  

• Scarves: Our grandmothers used scarves all the time to liven up their small number of dresses. Choose one neutral  and one in any other color from your palette; but don't limit yourself to two; look for them in ethnic and thrift stores for an inexpensive way to create new outfits!

• Tights: For chilly days, choose a pair of tights in a light neutral and dark neutral, same as your dresses.
• Jewelry: If your skin is cool-toned, go with silver; if warm-toned, gold or copper. If there are colors, make sure they are within your palette, and try to go with the color of your eyes (this will make your eyes look stunning). Wood, pearl and stone are lovely accents that can be worn by anyone. It is nice to have a small number of  "signature" pieces that are meaningful to you. 

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The Extended Feminine Wardrobe


 Does all this mean you can't wear jeans or other separates?
No, of course not! Jeans, pants, shorts, (and of course skirts) can be part of a feminine lady's wardrobe. You just have to be sure to coordinate the pieces well, and save the pants for more casual occasions.

• A pair of fitted jeans. These should be in a shape that flatters your body, perfectly fitted to show off the curve of your hips. It is generally best to wear a heeled shoe with jeans.

• Two skirts that flatter your body type. A-line is universally flattering, but hourglass and pear shapes look great in fitted pencil skirts. One should be in a neutral color, the other can be any color from your palette.

• Tops: As a rule of thumb, you should have two tops that work with each skirt or pair of pants: one to dress it up, and one to dress it down. However, even your most casual tops need to look  well-fitted and neat. 

Now look at all the gorgeous outfits you have!

What about thrift store shopping?
Thrift and vintage shopping is a fun and inexpensive way to build your wardrobe. Some of my very favorite items of clothing were purchased for under $10 at a thrift store. Thrift stores are a much better use of your money than shopping at low-end chains!
If you choose (or are financially constrained to) thrift shopping, you won't be able to completely plan your wardrobe beforehand. However never buy something that is not your color or not your shape.

You'll probably need to be flexible about your favorite colors, as it's unlikely you'll find exactly the one you're looking for! But as long as you stick to your color palette, you may end up with something even better.

How to be Beautiful Like... Liv Tyler

Liv Tyler is a true feminine ideal, a rare celebrity whose inner beauty matches her lovely features. As an actress she usually takes the role of sweet girl-next-door, but most memorably played the elf princess Arwen in The Lord of the Rings... being able to convincingly play a noble, queen-like role requires an understanding of true femininity, and she pulls it off magnificently.


How to be like her?

1. Personality
The thing that sets Liv apart from other attractive women is her simple, grounded, and sweet charisma, especially her enchanting voice. To see her personality in action, watch this clip of her appearance on The View:


Her entrance:
 Notice her posture, tall and graceful, but absolutely relaxed and smiling. Her dress compliments her coloring and dark hair; her hair is glossily curled but natural; her makeup is also natural.

Greeting the other women:

• She genuinely smiles and hugs the hosts
• See how as she sits down, the other women are talking loudly over each other; Liv simply turns to the woman on her right (Kirstie Alley) and quietly, sweetly compliments her: "you look very beautiful!" and asks her about her role on Dancing with the Stars. You can see Kirstie light up with the compliment and attention. This is how a Beauty interacts with other women.
• There is a stark contrast between Liv's behavior and that of some of the hosts, who sound especially demanding and shrill next to her.
• Notice how the atmosphere suddenly quiets so that they can hear her sweet voice. By being soft and sweet, she in fact controls the conversation.

Her conversation and voice:
Her voice is soft, gentle, calm, but not too serious-- she breaks into smiles and laughter often. Notice how she speaks lovingly about her father, and laughingly (not boasting) about her own experiences.

2. Her Looks
Liv is genetically gifted, that is true. But in her most beautiful appearances, she shows how to make the most of her unique coloring and features, and some of these traits you may find you have in common!

• Pale Skin (Clear Winter coloring).

Though she sometimes plays with a tanner look, Liv's most natural and striking feature is her alabaster skin. She can get away with light makeup: mascara and a pink blush. Paired with her dark, shiny hair and eyes, this high-contrast look is classically beautiful. For more formal occasions, a bright red lipstick looks simply stunning with pale skin and dark hair

• Her height

Liv is very tall (5'10") and has rather broad shoulders, which is an advantage for modeling, but can be intimidating among "average" people. Her sweet nature and charm ensure that she never comes across as masculine, and she knows how to dress to enhance her elegant figure and womanly curves. For casual wear, jeans and a horizontally-striped shirt look great on tall girls; it is a sweet look that breaks up long lines. If you're tall, a big bag also looks better than a little purse!

How to be Attractive: The Framework

People notice physical beauty. Men seem to worship it. This can be construed as "shallow," but it's not really, it's a hard-wired preference. Regardless it is the way of the world, my beauties, so as wise women we must work with the rules as they are given to us.

If you do this, you will be ahead of 90% of women, who give up or choose not to care about the basics of attractiveness beyond their early years.

The things that make a woman attractive (according to men) are as follows...
1. A lovely figure (there are many interpretations of this)
2. Glowing skin, glossy hair, and shining eyes
3. A warm, smiling, sweet, gentle personality
4. Clothes in just the right cut and color (men don't notice the details, but the overall effect)

These things are really quite simple to obtain, regardless of your current status or age. But simple does not mean easy, and the process of getting and keeping beautiful traits can be quite tedious.

This is why they must become habits. You need a framework for your life in which beauty is a by-product. You need to do these things not just because they make you pretty, but because they further your mission in life and make you feel good about yourself!

The Framework You Need:
1. Exercise with heavy weights
Many women mistakenly think that only "toning" exercises will give them the slim shape they want. This is really a waste of time, when 20 minutes, three times a week of intense body-weight (because your body-weight counts as a heavy weight!) exercises will pay off fabulously. There is a whole range of possibilities:
-Join a gym such as Cross-Fit with an emphasis on whole-body movements and lifting heavy things
-Self-starting types will enjoy the "Angry Birds" workout program from NerdFitness
-Zuzana Light's ZWOW workouts are fast-paced and fun for workouts at home. (And while you're at it, take note of her lovely, positive, engaging personality: she is really the feminine ideal!)

It doesn't really matter what you choose, as long as you are pushing your muscles, not just your heart rate. Muscle definition gives you luscious curves, whether you are thin or curvy already.

2. Eat a diet that is 90% + whole foods
This means a diet that is (almost) free of processed and packaged foods. There are various interpretations of this rule.
Some women find success in a strict version of this, such as the paleo or primal diet; this is probably the optimum solution for your health and skin, but it can be difficult to maintain in all social situations.
If you have longstanding acne problems, it probably means that you need an anti-inflammatory diet for a while because acne tends to be the reflection of gut or liver inflammation: see this wonderful article here, and consider a 30-day period on the GAPs diet to heal your internal systems.
Other women find that they can tolerate gluten and dairy just fine, and they wish to enjoy these foods as part of their daily meals. This is also just fine: only make sure that your diet includes plenty of nutrients.
Healthy fats, including saturated fats, are positively vital for your health and your femininity. Saturated fat provides the building blocks for sex hormones in your body, the things that give you an hourglass shape and plush, glowing skin. Read up on the recent medical literature if you are skeptical.

3. Meditate.
There is not a more powerful tool for renovating and rejuvenating your personality than daily meditation. A daily practice of even a few minutes will, after several weeks, make you calmer, gentler, more compassionate, more centered in each moment of your life...and happier! These are all traits of the ideal feminine. There are two types of meditation you should practice: a breathing, mindfulness meditation, and "lovingkindness" or "metta" meditation. See the links for instruction, but don't read too much; set aside 10 minutes and just do it.



4. A great wardrobe, and a plan to use it
You must dress in the right colors and cuts to flatter your complexion and shape; these can truly make the difference between a plain-looking woman and a beauty. Other people do not realize that it's just clothes (and a bit of makeup) that make the difference; but what a difference it is!
Identify your color-season, using this site. You now know what colors work for you, and what colors to avoid. Hint: most women should not wear black.

Now consider your body-type. Depending on what parts of your body you want to "play up" or "play down", this guide explains how to choose the right styles to give you the elegant overall look you need.

What to base your wardrobe on?
Women are most attractive in skirts and heels. This is a cultural truth. Whether you decide to adopt it as your "look" is up to you, but you must be aware that almost all men prefer women who dress in a very feminine way.
Dresses are an EASY way to look feminine and gorgeous
If you are busy, base your wardrobe on dresses. People will say about you "she always looks so pretty and pulled-together," not realizing it takes you less time to get dressed in the morning than if you just pulled on jeans and a sweatshirt.


Photo credit: va_sfak / Foter.com / CC BY

How to be Beautiful Like...Kate Middleton

Kate Middleton's first interview:

Posture:

Very relaxed, she sits straight and smiles a lot, showing dimples.
Dress:
Her dress is gorgeous, the blue is lovely with her skin tone, and she wears a pretty, romantic pendant that shows her delicate neck. Her long hair is styled, glossy, but natural.
Speech:
This is how a lady should act when discussing something casually—very natural and sweet; poised and a lot of smiles.

Beauty is a Practice

A code for living used by the beautiful courtesans of ancient Greece went like this:

Beautiful manners

to

Beautiful thoughts

to

Beautiful aspirations

to

Beautiful meditations.

One practice leads to the next; one supports the other. The mastery of all of these practices is the culmination of beauty. All beautiful manners and so on are rooted in the desire to do good things for other people. To make someone feel better with a soft word or smile; to come to someone's aid, whether by serving them food or providing them medical care, all in the spirit of gentle-hearted love. 

Notice that "manners" come before thoughts. Sometimes, it is hard to get "in the mood" for beauty and kindness. That's all right. As long as you are in control of your physical body, you can still pretend. And in the practice of beautiful, graceful, kind manners, the accompanying thoughts begin to flow. As these thoughts flow through your days, they start to color your aspirations, and you become a different, better, more beautiful woman. Until at last each moment of your life is a simple and beautiful meditation. This is our calling as women. It doesn't matter your age, if you're poor, if you're busy; every moment has the potential for practicing beauty.

Emulate Audrey Hepburn. According to those who knew her, she treated every single person in her sphere with gentle kindness, and she spent a good amount of her career doing humanitarian work. Lest we dismiss her as an outlier saint, her philosophy for daily life was simple and frank, summed up in one phrase from this gentle lady: "Others matter more than you do. So don't fuss dear, get on with it." 

These are tough-love words, aren't they? It is hard, when we focus on our own self-improvement, to let go of our insistent ego. When we want to be beautiful, we want to observe ourselves being beautiful. And this can interfere with the practice of true beauty: involving ourselves whole-heartedly in the improvement of the world.

Your Beautifying Assignment:

Choose an act of kindness or service that you have perhaps neglected for a while. It could be volunteering, it could be visiting a relative you find difficult, or giving money to the ragged woman you always walk by on your way to work. Decide on the time you will do it. And then, do this thing. Be aware of the resistance in your mind and body, that tries to pull back with cynicism and distraction. But counter with Audrey's strong words: "Others matter more than you do. So don't fuss dear, get on with it." 

Photo credit: CLF / Foter.com / CC BY